oh




more falling.


what about now
Thursday 31 October 2013, 23:45


And so after months I came across this almost dying blog. Reading through my blog post made me realize how far I've come since secondary school. I'm much stronger now and my life is definitely better now. I've had a rough few months but everything is turning better.

Design School has been fun so far, but recently I've not been having the mood for classes. Maybe it's because I don't really know anyone in my class, or maybe it's just because I'm still in the "holiday mood". I better kick this habit soon or I'll do really badly this term. I might actually see myself committing to the Design School Club. I'm not one to commit, but with all the lovely people in the club, I can't see why not.

I'm so grateful for some people I've met in SP. You guys mean so much to me I don't even know where to start. Y'all know who you are, or maybe not. I don't know. But just know that you've helped me get through a tough period and you guys will always remain an important part of my life. Feeling so blessed with all the lovely people around me.

I don't know what else I should say. Maybe.. I'm finally happy. Really happy.


Thursday 21 March 2013, 21:33


I really wonder how people can stay strong through everything, one thing for sure, I know I can't.

Sorry, I really tried. No, I'm not gonna do anything stupid. But I can't guarantee I'm still gonna be the same happy-go-lucky, stupid, talkative girl you know me as. I really can't.

I'm sorry.


I don't know what to say no more.
Wednesday 13 March 2013, 01:03


How do you actually know when life's taking a good turn? How can you tell if it's gonna get worse? I've had my ups and downs, but the downs are more frequent than the ups it's making me feel really upset. Life's been good- no, life's been great recently. Ever since I met Gina and Christine all is good, they're really nice and I feel really comfortable with them. But sometimes out of nowhere life slaps me in the face and pushes me around and just beats me to the ground, and I never know what to do no more. I don't know who to turn to, or what to say. And I feel like crap, I hate how I can never do anything to help the people I love, be it my friends or my family. Worse still, I don't even know how to help myself no more.

Do I feel like a piece of trash because I think that way? I think so.. I've been thinking of myself as a useless person, one who doesn't deserve the friends she has, one who will never deserve anything. I will never be good enough, not the worst, but not good enough. The criticisms I've received since the very start of schooling years (primary school?), from teachers, schoolmates and family alike, has turned me into a person who can never appreciate herself, a person with low self esteem. Sometimes I just want to stop caring for people but I can't. I would feel guilty. Even though it had nothing to do with me, because knowing that I could have maybe sorta, helped? I don't know. How can I help someone else when I need help myself?







Decisions.
Tuesday 5 February 2013, 02:11


In life, it doesn't matter if you're nice, or mean to a person. You don't get anything in return. (okay maybe karma if you're mean but that's not the point) It all comes down to you. Your decision. Are you willing to be nice to people, to be there for them, yet expecting nothing in return? When you're upset you don't have anyone to rely on, yet you provide people with strength and courage to be happy? Will you be ready when they leave you, after all the things you've done for them? To be honest, I expected none of these. Sworn to be there for each other, no matter the ups and downs. Sworn to rely on each other, when the world has forsaken us. Love is more important than friendship to one, yet friendship means the world to the other. Views and beliefs clashed, one left, the other lost. "I'll be there for you when you need me" "I'm always there", words I will always remember even though you're long gone. Life goes on, I'll meet new friends, we'll talk about the ones we lost, I'll mention you. Maybe you'll do the same, maybe not, and maybe you have already forgotten about me? Goodbye friend, I wish you all the best in life.

--------------------------

When you thought you've forgotten everything, when you thought you've moved on, something happens and it all comes back to you. The hidden truth, one that might have changed your life if you knew earlier. If you would've tried harder. It's over, it's gone, I know. One moved on, the other stuck in the past. Hoping for everything to be like how it used to, hoping for the other to believe in them, that it wouldn't happen. That it'd be alright. Life goes on, I'll meet someone new, maybe he'll remind me of you, who knows? Maybe I'll forget about you, like how you did about me, who knows? Time will heal all, I said that a few months ago. A few months later, it still hurts like how it did. I wish you happiness, but how I wish I could say that to myself.




eventually, i'm falling without you
Thursday 24 January 2013, 23:44


Got my O levels result. Not too satisfying, not too disappointing. I'm thankful for the fact that I get to go where I want to, so thank you to all the teachers who helped me through these years and to my friends who constantly push me forward (really though?).

Also, thank you to the people who were there for me when I was down and shit last year because honestly without you people I wouldn't feel better so I want to say that I appreciate you guys. Even though I don't even talk to some of you anymore I just want to say thank you for ever being a part of my life, thanks for the memories.

I hope I will use 2013 right and not fuck it up like how I did back in 2012. I will start appreciating myself and the people around me, start appreciating the people who care about me, and start working hard. Watch me, I promise, no more frowns this year. No more relationship bullshit, no more heartbreak bullshit. I will fulfill the bet of staying single for five years because honestly, I don't think I'm ready for anything. I just want to make things right for myself before I'm ready to commit myself to another person. And to be honest, I really hope for my next relationship to be my last, no more "falling in love with the wrong person" bullshit. And I believe I can do this.




What.
Sunday 4 November 2012, 00:48


Long awaited "after O's life" is here. But it's so.. Boring. Pointless. Nothing to do. No purpose in life. Well, at least there's none till next year, I suppose? This is pathetic. Everyone else is enjoying and here I am complaining about how pointless my life is. Well, I never really saw it till now. Who am I kidding I still have a paper next Thursday hahaha.

Went Lot1 with Vivian to walk around and see if there's anything we'd like/worth buying. None. Head to Bugis and bought quite some stuff with her. Caught Sinister back at Lot1. Great movie, considering the suspense throughout, though the character development could be improved.. But, what's the point of a "character development" in a horror film haha. Went home to play Habbo, Club Penguin and Neopets.. Yes, again, pointless life.




You're doing all these things out of desperation.
Saturday 22 September 2012, 16:01


First, you think the worst is a broken heart 
What's gonna kill you is the second part 
And the third, Is when your world splits down the middle 
And fourth, you're gonna think that you've fixed yourself 
Fifth, you see them out with someone else
And the sixth, is when you admit that you may have fucked up a little